Healthy Relationships

All relationships have disagreements and arguments at times, often referred to as ‘conflict.’

The conflict itself doesn’t mean your relationship is unhealthy – but in a healthy relationship you and your partner will be able to deal with the disagreement in a healthy way.

For e.g., in a healthy relationship, you’ll be able to talk and listen to each other and come to agreements or compromises that are suitable for you both.
If this is not happening in your relationship and the arguments are getting worse, try talking to someone you trust such as a friend or an adult.

For more advice, see HELP AND SUPPORT.

There are some important things to remember about families:

• Every family is different
• It’s normal to not get on with your family sometimes
• Family changes can be stressful but there are ways to cope
• It can help to talk about how you’re feeling
• Things like bullying or money problems can make it harder to get on with your family

It can be normal to not get on, but it’s not normal for abuse to take place. Sometimes it can be hard to know when something is just an argument, or whether it is a form of abuse. If you are unsure, check out Childline for more information.

If you’re ever worried it’s important to seek HELP AND SUPPORT. Being abused or hurt is never okay, and there are always people who can help.

In society – often through social media, we often see and hear gender stereotypes.

Men grow up with the belief that crying is a sign of weakness; boys are often told not to cry and to ‘suck it up’ instead. This can lead boys to bottle up their emotions, which keeps them from overcoming them effectively.

Many young men associate crying with femininity and weakness, but the bottom line is that crying is a normal human emotion that doesn’t need to be associated with a weakness for any gender or gender non-confirming person.

Science shows that crying is actually a healthy outlet – it helps us regulate emotional stress.

Try talking to someone you trust about this. See HELP AND SUPPORT.

In all friendships, friends can occasionally fall out. But it doesn’t mean it’s the end of the friendship.

If you value your friendship with this person:

• Try talking to them once the argument has settled down.
• Listen to how they are feeling, and try and imagine it from their angle.
• Work together to compromise and meet in the middle so that your friendship can move forward.

But remember – friendships should make us feel good about ourselves and support our emotional wellbeing. If you are unsure whether you want to make up with your friend because you’re worried the friendship is unhealthy – see HELP AND SUPPORT.

For more info about friendships – check out the facts on HealthForTeens.

It is not healthy to go through somebody else’s phone.

Healthy relationships are based on trust, and if you are looking through your partner’s phone without permission, then this could be a sign that you are struggling to trust that person.

Try to identify the reasons why you are going through their phone. If you feel your trust may have been tested or broken, it’s important to talk through your feelings with your partner and decide whether you can move forward or if you need to go your separate ways. You shouldn’t avoid talking through your feelings because you’re scared of the potential outcome.

If you think that your lack of trust may be due to your own insecurities, there are things you can do to help. Some tips:

• Try to identify your own triggers so that you can become more self-aware about the problems you need to work on.
• Try to communicate with your partner. Engage in more open conversation and how you can begin to work on any trust issues.
• Express how you feel to your partner. Use “I” statements rather than “you” to prevent any blame. For example, “I sometimes feel insecure because…”
• Listen to your partner. Make an effort to listen to them with an open mind, so you can understand their perspective as well.
• See HELP AND SUPPORT.

You don’t have to prove your trust in your friendship by sharing your passwords.

Trust and respecting boundaries is very important. Your friend should not try to invade your space or boundaries. If you feel that you have to give them your password, this is a SIGN OF AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.

Be honest with your friend – healthy relationships are built on trust and respect. For example, “I feel uncomfortable when you ask for my passwords.”

A good friend and partner will respect your right to privacy and will not expect you, or pressure you to share your password.

For more help, see HELP AND SUPPORT.

Most people who are in porn are paid actors and they’re doing things to entertain the people watching it.

The actors will behave in a certain way for the film and will have often had surgery to portray a particular type of body.

Typically, a porn actor will be seen to portray the ‘ideal’ sexual body, e.g. no body hair, large and symmetrical genitalia.

Body image can be affected by porn and this can impact trust in a relationship due to unrealistic expectations. It’s important to remember that porn is based on gender stereotypes and not a reflection of real life.

Try talking to your partner about how you are feeling. For more support around body image, see Mind.

Sending sexual messages, images or videos to another person is called ‘sexting.’

KNOW THE LAW: The law is clear – taking or sharing photos of videos of under 18s (this includes yourself) is illegal.

If you are considering sending a nude image to someone make sure you trust them and are aware of the risks below:

• Remember the law is there to protect you – the age is 18 for a reason.
• Once you click send, you have no control over how that image is being used.
• At best, this can leave you feeling worried and embarrassed.
• At worst, you might get unwanted attention, and find that some people use these images to bully and harass you.
• Images sent on sites like Snapchat can be saved and screenshotted.
• You have no control over who is seeing the image.
• If the image is shared around peer groups, this could lead to bullying and isolation.

Before making a decision, try talking to someone you trust.

In a healthy relationship you should not feel pressured to send a nude, but Childline have some tips on how you can deal with it.

If you have already shared a nude and you’re worried about it…

TAKE ACTION
Try talking to the person you’ve sent it to, and ask them to delete it. Explain why you’re worried.

If someone has done something online to make you feel worried or unsafe, you can report it to CEOP – The National Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre. CEOP works across country to keep children and young people safe. They can provide you with advice and support.

Spending every waking minute with each other isn’t necessarily a sign of a healthy relationship. Having your own interests, hobbies, friends, and periods of time just for you is actually healthy in a relationship.

You should make sure you take time to focus on your own friends, hobbies or space for yourself without being made to feel guilty about it.

You should also encourage your partner to do the same with their own friends. It is important to respect each other and respect each other’s boundaries – it is likely to strengthen your own personal relationship.

If you or your partner are struggling, try talking to them and being honest about how you are feeling.

For more advice, see HELP AND SUPPORT.

It is not okay for your partner to criticise your body or the way you look. No one has the right to do that.

If your partner is criticising the way you look, it’s a sign that things are not right within your relationship. Their behaviour is not acceptable, and you might want to get help. Remember, it is not your fault and you don’t deserve to be treated like this. See HELP AND SUPPORT.

We all have our own identity and clothing is one way in which we can express ourselves and our identity.

Your partner has their own identity, and it is important that they choose what clothes they wear.

If your partner asks for your opinion, then share freely. But ensure your partner keeps their own identity, just like you have yours.

This is a sign of controlling behaviour. If you need more advice or support, see HELP AND SUPPORT.

In a friendship, you both need space by yourself and the time and freedom to hang out with different friends.

It is not healthy that your friend is telling you who you can spend time with.

Try telling your friend that you value your friendship but that you are going to spend time with other people too, but this does not mean that you value them and your friendship any less.

For more advice, see HELP AND SUPPORT.

Deciding whether to have sex is your decision. But if you are considering it, make sure you are aware of the information below and try talking to someone you trust first.

KNOW THE LAW: The law is clear – The age of consent to engage in sexual activity is 16, no matter what your sexuality or gender is. Remember the age exists to protect you.

• Remember: Deciding whether to have sex is your decision. If you’re not feeling comfortable or ready, then nobody has the right to pressure or force you. Remember, respecting each other’s boundaries is part of a healthy relationship.

• Having sex can lead to pregnancy or a Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI). Think about using contraception to protect you and your partner. Click here for more advice on the different types of contraception and where you can access it.

• All persons involved must consent to the sexual activity and be comfortable with it. Consent is vital, and it’s your responsibility to know whether your partner is consenting.

See the next question for more advice around understanding consent.

They will consent before engaging in any kind of sexual activity.

Consent means they agree to take part by choice, and have the freedom and capacity to make that choice.

Consent is:

• Applicable regardless of gender or sexuality
• Given by young people aged 16+
• Given by those who have the capacity (i.e. conscious and aware of what is happening)
• Able to be withdrawn at any time
• Conditional i.e. someone may consent with certain conditions, and if the conditions are not met or are withdrawn, then they have no longer given their consent.
  For example: ‘Stealthing’ is when someone removes a condom during sex without the other person’s consent or lies about having put one on in the first place. Stealthing is rape. For more advice, see https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/what-is-stealthing
• If consent is not given, it’s RAPE. Rape is sexual violence and a very serious crime that carries the same maximum sentence as murder. For more information, see: Rape Crisis

KNOW THE LAW: According to the law, only a man can commit rape (as the penetration has to be with a penis). However, both women and men can be raped.

A woman can commit sexual assault, and this carries the same maximum sentence as rape and also murder.

Many of the myths surrounding rape can make victims and survivors feel as though they are somehow to blame. Read some common myths below.

Every person has the right to wear whatever clothes they want without being raped or sexually assaulted. The assumption that certain clothing makes someone more likely to be a victim is an example of ‘victim blaming’. There is never any excuse for rape or sexual assault.

If you are worried about yourself or a friend see HELP AND SUPPORT.

False allegations of rape are extremely rare. Most people who are raped or experience another form of sexual violence never tell the police.

If you are worried about yourself or a friend see HELP AND SUPPORT.